Though Florida Bright Futures keeps me from declaring bankruptcy, I pay (out of my already hole-filled pocket) for summer classes. This is understandable. And acceptable. What is not acceptable is that, as I wake up at 8 in the morning with very little desire to learn about nonverbal animal communication, a kid in the class feels the need to denounce everything the professor has just said.

Quoting a biased and horrible textbook as his source for contradicting a professor at the best university in this state, a grad student feels the need to interrupt everyone and force them to stay minutes extra just to show off and make it clear that he as an MIT grad student knows much more than any student (or professor) from a state university.

I console myself with the fact that, the last day of class, he will probably be cornered in an alley and beaten up for being such an inconsiderate douchebag.

And, were I this said professor, I'd have fun playing Eraser with his exam scantron.

HI HI HI HI.

I am back for good.

I miss writing random shit and have people invade my privacy.

All is swell, loving Russian and all <3

& the worst part, I don't even know why.

meh...

preview was exhausting... I was one of the few people who didnt have pink skin, bleached hair and light eyes... iOwn.

it's weird though... it's so.. small, it freaks me out. another thing that freaked me out  was ... 2 extra large pizzas, and an order of garlic bread for 13.10 ... tax included. [fatass].

I made a few friends, but people are very.... antisocial-ish. .... it's weird ... I think the best way to describe it is more like... shy.

funny story: the distance from where I live [on campus] to where my classes will be is like.. farther than from goleman to fucking main street.

owned by the housing office.

yes well... I'll deal with it.

classes for summer: 

mac1105 [I think] [math]
enc 1101 [composition]

classes for fall:

sls [freshman experience]
rus1130 [intro to russian language and culture]
lin2000 [linguistics from a humanities perspective]
mgf1106 [math]
enc 1102 [english]


PS: HARRY POTTER THEME PARK YAY!!!!!!!!

OMG. High school drama is fucking over.

Can't wait to arrive at UF this Friday for my preview, lol. 

I ordered some stuff from Hot Topic with my gift card, and it should arrive Thursday or Friday, so I can take it with me and wear it lol. I ordered a tie [checkered], an Itchy & Scratchy shirt, and a "music is my weapon" shirt. I was in shock because after I found my camera [finally] I couldn't find Cinthia Disturbance and Kristen Ulation anywhere. Then  I found them and my heart started pumping again, and everything got even better when I met up with Danisbel and Ana and Gianna.

It was so great to know that this part of my life is gone and my real life begins. I hope not to turn into a binge drinker though, because then la cosa se pone mala.

Eso es lo único que se hace en Gainesville, emborracharse hasta que te vomites tu vida y los hígados, el corazón y los pulmones. Pero uno nunca sabe lo que va a pasar. Me estoy asustando mucho ahora, y estoy empezando a tener un freak-out. Espero que mi idea de irme de esta ciudad de mierda no cambie porque  entonces me pondré muy molesto lol.

On another news, I bought UF boxers yesterday... and pajamas. lol.

Everything came up to like 40 dollars lol. it's so comfortable though. rofl.

Anyway, ome. Can't wait to get to UF :]

I decided not to cry.

What's the point?

I'll still see all of you-- ana, kristen, jess, liz, jenn, cinthia, erasmo, nina, etc... so... why waste my tears..?

today I told a friend with a problem, in a hypocritical move, that everything happens for a reason and God knows what he's doing and why. This, however, is complete bullshit, but I must force myself to believe it. I must live for my own experiences and not for the experiences of others.

In a Balboa move I've become so dependent on all of you [ugh I feel guilty saying Balboa.. damn you Kristen Navarro, for being so brutally honest]. I hope, however, that none of you forget me. If you do.. I don't know what I'll do.

I cried today.

And that's all I'll cry.

    Today I was reminded by 3 great friends of how this girl who, in the words of Jet, is a cold hard bitch, or whatever the fuck the song is called. ROFL it was so funny how everything went down and omg. lol.


I was kinda upset about something, but decided the whole event was just "eargasmic," in the words of my dear friend Jessica Genocide.  Dude how fucking hilarious, I'm gonna burn in HELL for this. ROFL God is gonna stab me in the heart endlessly, in His own perverted version of Paradise Lost.

Either way, the prospect of eternal fire is so worth this...

I'm one fucking manipulating asshole. And I adore it.

I have met my subconscience  [I can't spell it, according to spell check]. It doesn't like me and it's treating me like the asshole I am. I'm getting bitched at, but God, wtf? lol

ah.

I fucking love you all.

:]


CARPE DIEM.

I am so scared. So, so, so scared.

Everyone wrote nice things... but it was Jessica, Kristen, Cinthia and Liz that changed everything... my hatred for Goleman and my desire to leave already were shattered by the prospects of not seeing these people ever again. I know you'll read this, so I must say, as this is too awkward to say in person, that you have changed my life in 1 year more than I've done by myself in 18.

I am really depressed by this.. I am scared of losing contact, of not seeing all of you, of FORGETTING anyone. it scares me. It really does, because for the first time I feel like people are actually real and not superficial idiots who pretend to like you and then stab you in the back with the Gryffindor sword as they destroy your name to the public eye.

I may sound dramatic and retarded, but it's the fucking truth.

what the fuck can I say?

STC for the win, bitches.

you guys can toss my fucking salad anytime. lol.


Jesus Christ, if I wasn't such a ref I should be a writer.


:]

Thought I'd start this up with a positive note....

If you've ever heard a middle-aged person bitch about turning 50... I can guarantee you this will not be one of those circumstances. I feel like I'm going to change completely in the next 50 days. I feel like my life will really commence and a wave of responsibility and collapse of expectations will overcome my ability to stand by my ethics. 

There's this euphoria that is trying to break out and set loose and destroy any form of morale left in me. This, however, is one of the things I'm most afraid of. I get this constant reminder that I'm too bold, too honest, too rude, too everything. And I get mad and curse and tell everyone, and I quote Kristen N., "die in a fire!" But feeling so mellow and relaxed as is the case now, I feel more than morally obligated to find a connection among many things... these are some of the things that I'm afraid I won't be able to accomplish, and they're things that I feel are necessary for my personal well being.

We all die. We come out of our mothers' wombs, we grow up, we get old, and we die, and that's inevitable. Thus, I feel like I need to do everything I've ever wanted to do. These things need to be done, to make myself happy, to feel like the miserable human experienced has been altered into an euphoria of intense joy just because I am happy.

Happiness is the essence of life.

Thus, I plan on achieving these goals (and dreams, and expectations!) before I die...

1) Visit every place I dream of visiting, specially Kiev

2) See the end of a corrupt system that has vanished me from a place I'm spiritually tied to

3) Become a mastermind of Existentialism

4) Be recorded into history

5) Achieve the courage that I so strongly lack

And the things that I dare not say for fear of being called a radical commie hippie (it's happened before, lol)