Thought I'd start this up with a positive note....

If you've ever heard a middle-aged person bitch about turning 50... I can guarantee you this will not be one of those circumstances. I feel like I'm going to change completely in the next 50 days. I feel like my life will really commence and a wave of responsibility and collapse of expectations will overcome my ability to stand by my ethics. 

There's this euphoria that is trying to break out and set loose and destroy any form of morale left in me. This, however, is one of the things I'm most afraid of. I get this constant reminder that I'm too bold, too honest, too rude, too everything. And I get mad and curse and tell everyone, and I quote Kristen N., "die in a fire!" But feeling so mellow and relaxed as is the case now, I feel more than morally obligated to find a connection among many things... these are some of the things that I'm afraid I won't be able to accomplish, and they're things that I feel are necessary for my personal well being.

We all die. We come out of our mothers' wombs, we grow up, we get old, and we die, and that's inevitable. Thus, I feel like I need to do everything I've ever wanted to do. These things need to be done, to make myself happy, to feel like the miserable human experienced has been altered into an euphoria of intense joy just because I am happy.

Happiness is the essence of life.

Thus, I plan on achieving these goals (and dreams, and expectations!) before I die...

1) Visit every place I dream of visiting, specially Kiev

2) See the end of a corrupt system that has vanished me from a place I'm spiritually tied to

3) Become a mastermind of Existentialism

4) Be recorded into history

5) Achieve the courage that I so strongly lack

And the things that I dare not say for fear of being called a radical commie hippie (it's happened before, lol)